Gaucherie
by Twy
Summary: Genis ponders on Martel, and ends up thinking about Lloyd...Hints of Yoai, nothing big, not even hugs! Please reveiw, my first TOS fic!


Martel.

He couldn't help but think about her, that name, what was the meaning of it? He liked the way it rolled on his tongue, _Mar-tel_, it sounded odd, nice, he liked he had to twist his tongue to say it just right, he really liked everything about the name. It was a wonder that Martel was Martel. She was gifted with beauty, wisdom, intelligence and a long life. If you didn't know better you would swear she was a goddess, placed on earth, it seemed she had no faults...but she did.

_Mar_...

It was complately appriote. Synomynous with flaw, fault, error, scar, blemish, defect. Like she was marred by her heiritage, being of both human and elf descent. Marred by being a half-elf....like him. Half-elf...how he hated the word, he hated how it sounded, how he had to hear it every other day, how it followed everywhere, marrijng his existence. It was amazing he hadn't joined Mithos by now, Lloyd was the only thing holding him back. It was sad, even his sister couldn't have stopped him, only Lloyd, that idiot....

He wonder about Martel, wondered how someone so perfect could exist for so long marred by one thing. How had she managed to stay that way, with a half-elven blood coursing through her blood, how had she managed to love so many, when so many hated her? How? Those questions were summed up into one silent question that he longed to find the answer to, how could he become more like her?

He knew who he was._ Half-elf_. He knew what he was. _Half elf_. He knew what he could do. _Half-elven magic._

He was alike to Martel, Mithos, and even Yuan is this aspect. But he couldn't stop himself from hating people, hating elves, hating humans. Why was it the only ones he could love weren't human, but angels? Cruxis, descendents of cruxis. Everyone he knew had some sort of defect that made them almost unclassifiable. _Almost._ Presea was a crush, meaningless to him really. Regal, he had never liked Regal. Sheena, he only allowed her near, liking her for Lloyd's sake. Zelos, he didn't even like him, never had. Kratos, cruxis. Colette, he wasn't sure, but he considered her part of the good half of cruxis. Raine, his sister, he loved her, but truly, he would betray her if given a chance. Mithos, he had nearly loved the kinsman, but he still trusted another more.

Then Lloyd...the one he trusted, the one he held high above the others, the one...the only one he truly trusted and loved. It was strange, odd, and made his heart twist. It was just like Martel's name. Lloyd was Mithos' other half, the one who had chosen a diffrent path than Mithos. Like Yin and Yang.

Mithos, he was fine before Martel died, before she was killed by humans. Mithos would probally have lived on like Lloyd if something hadn't gone wrong, if Kratos had betrayed them. _Kratos_...the mere mention of his name made his mouth turn sour. How he hated that twisted excuse for a _human_! Why had he done it? Why had he dared to kill Martel, who was so perfect she seemed made of glass. When she died it seemed like all her nonexistent faults flew into Mithos, as if everyone's faults had flown into him. Mithos had felt as if he carried the world's burden's all along, and when his siter wasn't there to carry it with him, he cracked. Becoming the pyschontic man known as Yggdrasil...

Why did Martel have to die? Why couldn't she live like she had for Lloyd....

He silently wondered which of them was Lloyd's Martel. Would Lloyd crack under pressure like Mithos is that person died? He thought it would be sinisterly funny if that happened. He couldn't help but think of what Lloyd would act like if one of them died, if Lloyd cracked.

...cold, distant, and... utterly _Kratos_ like.....

It made the sour taste in his mouth return.

"Genis!" Lloyd ran up, panting and smiling. It was odd, seeing the brightly colored young adult standing before him after so much depressing thoughts.

"What?"He asked in surprise.

"It's time for dinner!"He smiled happily, so cheerful.

"I'll be there in a minute."Lloyd nodded and trotted off. Genis the exsphere he held in his hand. He changed his mind and tucked away.

"I don't want to be like Martel...."He murmured and stood up," I want to be like Lloyd."He smiled and ran towards the campsite. It seemed like a great weight ha dbeen lifted off his shoulders. Because, without realizing it, Genis had taken the first step towards erasing his hate, he had decided to idolize a _human,_ not because he wanted to be human, but because he wanted to be strong like that human. After all...

Lloyd could be half-dragon and he would still do this!


End file.
